Of Rednecks and Rich Folks
by graywolf95
Summary: How much trouble can two teenaged lions get into in just one day? Based in an anthro world in the town of Priderock. Complete!
1. Kicked out of Church

**Author's note: Hello again, fanfiction! It's been a couple months since I finished _Brainwashed: The Ultimate TLK2 Anthro Parody_. I said I would work on a sequel, but, to be honest, that hasn't gotten very far. I've started three other stories, all of which I have hit major mind block, if you know what I mean. My mind is full of ideas, but I'm having difficulty getting them all into words. So what I'm saying is that it could be a year before I am able to crank out another 'big' fanfic. But, in the mean time, I don't want to lose touch with all my wonderful friends on this site, so I will be writing some 'short stories' to fill in space, and to keep myself writing. So, I present to you the first, in what may become a series, of my anthro Lion King short stories.**

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**Of Rednecks and Rich Folks**

**© Graywolf95 2012**

**Beta read by Reldor**

**~((()-()))~**

**Rated T for language and rude humor, including, but not limited to, sex-related humor and sacrilegious humor.**

**The original Lion King characters are property of Disney. I own everything else.**

**~((()-()))~**

**Chapter 1**

**Kicked out of Church**

The thermometer registered one hundred and seven degrees; although with the humidity factored in it felt like a hundred twenty nine. To make matters worse, the air conditioning at the Brukner's trailer was broken, beyond what any amount of duct tape could repair.

Nuka wiped the sweat from his brow before sticking his head in the freezer again.

"Nuka, that is so stupid." said his sister, Vitani, who was fanning herself at the kitchen table. "You really think you're gonna get cool that way?"

"Worth a try."

"Damn, Nuka, you think the church would be open now? They have air conditioning, even though you have to sit in their stupid summer cubs club."

"I got kicked out yesterday. Remember?...no respect for adults they said...drank all the communion juice they said..."

"You got yourself kicked out because you're a stupid asshole who doesn't know how to behave yourself...anyway, I think I'll walk there now...there's a cute boy who goes sometimes...too bad he's religious and probably won't have sex with me."

"Yeah, I know it's hard to still be a virgin at twelve." replied Nuka sarcastically, "But seriously, get over it, I'm almost fifteen and I'm _still..."_

"That's _your _problem."

"Oh, and when you go, Take the Termite with you."

Vitani rolled her eyes "Kovu got kicked out yesterday too, Remember?"

"Duh...what? How?"

"He was exploring the back part of the church...the parts behind the stage where only the ministers are allowed to go."

"...Oh yeah...I heard that's where they hide the bodies after they drown them in the initiation pool...Rob went to church once for an actual service. He told me all about it."

"Rob's a dick, and it's called the _baptistry_. I heard the minister does some incantation in the water, then drowns the victim so he can get born again, but..."

Before Nuka could finish, he was interrupted by a quick zap. Then, all the lights went out. The fridge stopped humming, and the old radio went silent.

"You did it again!" exclaimed Vitani.

"I didn't do nothin, Bitch!" replied Nuka, pulling his head out of the freezer.

"You left the freezer open too long and made the power go out! You're the dumbest lion in the whole universe! Even an _ant _is smarter than..._"_

Nuka stomped on Vitani's tail.

Vitani let out a cry as she tried to jump out of the way.

Nuka laughed a little.

Just then, Kovu came out of his room. "What's going on?" he asked.

Vitani spoke first. "Nuka left his head in the freezer too long and the power went out."

"Figures." replied Kovu. "Mom's gonna kill you. She just got five pounds of gazelle meat and now it's gonna go bad."

"Hey, it's not my fault! It's...it's the power company! They aren't supposed to let it go out!"

"They also don't expect us to use the freezer as a replacement for air conditioning." replied Kovu.

"I'm leaving now." said Vitani. "Your guys' sweat is starting to stink...like..._really_ bad."

Nuka bent over to sniff his armpit, finding his shirt was, indeed, well soaked in that area and smelled almost as bad as a clogged sewer on a humid day.

"Where are you going?" asked Kovu.

"Church." replied Vitani. "It's summer cubs club but you can't go cuz you got kicked out yesterday."

Vitani was out the door before Kovu had time to protest.

"We're gonna die." declared Nuka. "We. Are. Going. to. Melt...and it's _your_ fault!"

"My fault? _You_ made the power go out." defended Kovu.

"If _you_ hadn't used up all the ice cubes then..."

"I have a right to survive, you know!"

"Call the air condition repair guy...we'll have him fix the AC then we just won't pay him." suggested Nuka.

"Even if the air condition _did_ work it wouldn't because it runs on electricity and the power is out, and that's _your_ fault!" retorted Kovu.

Nuka tried to stomp on Kovu's tail, but Kovu was expecting it so he jumped out of the way.

Just then, Nuka's best friend Rob walked into the house. Rob was like family, so it was perfectly normal for him to just walk into the house without knocking.

"Hey Rob, help me kill this...this...thing." said Nuka, pointing at his brother.

Rob laughed in his unintelligent way. "Hey guess what?" he asked.

"What?"

"My mom finally passed out in front of the toilet."

"So...?"

"So I took her car." declared Rob, as if that was supposed to be obvious.

"Your mom's car _starts_?" asked Nuka in disbeleif.

"Neah, I just pushed it all the way...I got _here_, didn't I? Of course it starts you dickhead!"

"Good going, Man!" exclaimed Nuka, "You sure she won't wake up?"

"Dude, I kicked her five times and she didn't even moan...we should have about twenty hours before she comes to...I came to see if you wanted to go into town with me...we could go to the mall and look at swimsuit posters."

"Great idea, let's go!" Nuka turned back to his brother. "You stay here, Termite...make sure the house is okay."

"I'm going with." he said, stubbornly.

"No you're not!" replied Nuka and Rob at the same time.

"I bet it's just because you just want to have sex in the back of your mom's car. You don't want me to know you're gay."

Nuka tried to tail stomp his little brother again. Kovu just jumped out of the way, laughing.

"You know mother says you have to watch me." he said trollishly.

"Yes." replied Nuka. "And we made an agreement that since you don't want to be watched, and I don't want to watch you, that neither of us is inclined..."

"Yes, but if you don't take me with you then I'll tell mother you haven't kept shit on me for the last..."

"Five years..." Said Nuka, finishing his sentence. "But that would be breaking our agreement..."

"Yes," replied Kovu, "but I have nothing to lose...I promise I won't hang around you guys...I just want a ride to the mall."

"Oh, whatever." muttered Nuka. "You're such an asshole. I wish you were dead..."

Kovu smiled to himself. Whenever Nuka started firing the insults, Kovu knew he had won the argument.

The three boys climbed into the old wreck of a car.

"I wanna drive." said Nuka.

"Fuck no. It's _my_ mom's ride."

"Yeah, but _I'm_ older."

"Only by a fucking month and a half. Besides, I _look_ older. _I_ have a bigger mane than you."

"Aw, manes are out of style...all the cool guys cut them off these days."

"That's bullshit. Only gay fags cut off their manes...You're just saying that because you're jealous." Rob combed his claws through his mane for emphasis. Although even his wasn't all that much, it took very little to beat Nuka's little scruff. "...Don't worry. It'll come when you hit puberty in about five or six or twenty years..."

Rob started the car with a screwdriver. They hadn't had a real key since they bought the car from a junkyard twenty years ago. The dealer had sold it to Rob's mother for three hundred dollars, half of what it was worth, because he said it was a stolen car.

Nuka reached down to turn on the air conditioning. But of course, it didn't work. They rolled down their windows instead. Rob turned on the radio as loud as it would go, to the point where all they could hear was static. It wasn't comfortable, and the indistinct static made their ears hurt, but they had to do it, because that was how the other badasses drove around in their neighborhood.

They cruised out of the trailer park and past the old Rouge River Baptist Church, where they saw Vitani in the yard playing kick ball with the other cubs.

"What a loser." said Nuka. "She goes to cool off in the AC only to find it's outside game day...look at all those losers..."

"Do you all get free wine there?" asked Rob.

"They think it's whine," replied Nuka. "but it's actually just grape juice, and it isn't free. I found some in the basement fridge yesterday and drank some because I was thirsty, then I got kicked out!"

"...What happened?" asked Rob, "...Did the wine do anything to you..._spiritually_?"

"Fuck no." replied Nuka. "It's just the same old grape juice you get at Southside Market. It only gets empowered after the priest casts a spell over it."

"Oh...are you sure...maybe the effects just don't show up right away..."

"Dude, chill, I feel fine."

"Ya wanna know how they charge for the stuff?" asked Rob.

"Sure How?"

"They said 'whatever you feel led to give', then passed around this fancy bowl thing." said Rob. "The lights were dimmed and some old ass was playing this creepy music on a piano...Dude, someone put a one hundred dollar bill in there! I would've taken it, but the deacon dude had his eye on me, so I just passed the plate along."

"A hundred dollars for a cup of grape juice?" exclaimed Nuka in absolute shock.

"Yeah, and they're smaller than shot glasses!"

"Did you take any?"

"Fuck no. For one, I didn't pay. Second, they said you _must_ be 'born again' to take it."

"Or what?" scoffed Nuka.

"Or you might die!...Don't look at me like that! I swear that's what he said."

"I went in the rooms behind the stage!" said Kovu, speaking up for the first time.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Rob. "What are they hiding back there? Did you see any dead corpses?"

"A few." replied Kovu casually.

After about ten minutes of driving, the three boys drove past a sign reading, "Entering Priderock City Limits"

Rob turned off the music and told everyone to roll up the windows. "We don't got no legal inspection tags." he said, "Plus you have to have a license to drive in these parts. Let me tell you, this place is infested with cops. Like, they are literally _crawling_ all over the place.

"...like the termites in your fur" added Kovu.

"Man, look at all these huge ass buildings." said Nuka, ignoring Kovu. "We should come here some night and spray paint penises all over their windows...just to piss off the rich ass city folks."

"Oh shit that would be fucking awesome!"

"I wonder if it's obvious that we're not from around here...you know with the car and all..."

Nuka was cut off by the blast of a horn. Rob looked back in the mirror. "Dude, a red Corvette is honking at us...I feel so honored!"

"Because the light's green, Shithead." said Kovu.

"Oh...yeah...Sorry. I was staring at that hot girl crossing the street."

You mean the one who probably has watermelons under her shirt?" asked Kovu.

"I would've run the bitch right over." said Nuka

"Me too," replied Rob, "but I didn't want to mess up the front of my mom's car."

Both teenagers burst out laughing.

Rob waited until the light turned yellow before slamming on the gas. The light turned red again just before the Corvette had time to get out. Nuka rolled down his window enough to give them the middle finger.

The trio zoomed out onto Wards road, where most of the campus of Simba's University was laid out.

"Man, we could really have some fun if we went to college here." said Rob.

"Dude, we'd get expelled the first week for sure...and what are our chances of getting laid? We're so shit ugly and...shit."

"You are. I'm pretty fucking sexy."

Nuka gave him a doubtful look.

"It just doesn't show right now because I haven't worked out in a few years, and I haven't kept the greatest hygiene...or eaten well, but if I _really_ wanted to be I could be a real beast. _You_ on the other paw, well, I'm sorry bro, but you're really gonna have to work on that personality of yours because that body is...well...beyond hope of repair."

Rob pulled his car into the parking lot of the giant Priderock mall. He parked right up front in the very first parking space, ignoring the "handicap only" sign. "Like a motherfucker." he said proudly. "I bet they were all saving that spot for me."

The three boys got out of the car. Kovu slammed his door and the back license plate fell off.

"Fuck you idiot! My mom's gonna kill me!" screamed Rob.

An old woman walking by glared at them. "Watch your mouth young lion!" she said sternly.

Rob bent down to see about the license plate. "You...Nuka why WHY did you have to bring your baby brother along?"

"Excuse me, I am eleven!" exclaimed Kovu. "...And it was falling off anyway."

Rob ignored him. "If he were _my_ brother, I would've locked him in a closet with duct tape on his mouth."

"I have!" said Nuka. "But we only have three closets in our house. He always just breaks down the door. It's an old trailer. They're only made of thick cardboard."

"There's some train tracks we could tie him to on one side of the parking lot."

"I'd love to...but..."

"You just break everything you touch." said Rob at Kovu. "I bet if you touched the wall of the mall, the whole building would come crashing down!" Rob and Nuka exploded into another fit of laughter.

"Alright, Termite, you got your ride to the mall. I hope you're happy cuz that's all you're getting. Now go hang around a toy store or wherever you babies like to hang out."

"Oh, and be back here by nine!" added Rob. "If you aint back here by nine, we're leaving without you!"

Kovu was satisfied with that. He left without another word to browse the mall by himself, free to look as long as he wanted at whatever caught his eye.

Rob and Nuka walked about a hundred feet behind Kovu, hoping nobody passing by would think they were in any way related to the little termite. For anyone to make that sort of connection would be humiliation beyond what the two teenagers could handle.

"Someone as little and dorky as Kovu should never be seen in public with people as, well, I don't want to sound _arrogant_. I'm just saying I don't think we're in the same social..."

"I understand, bro." said Nuka as they went around the revolving doors two extra times "Kovu's a complete twerp...just can't have the kid around...not if we want hot ass chicks to smile at us."

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**Author's note: So...I hope you all got a kick out of that. I was actually worried if I went too far in the 'sacrilegious' aspect, me being raised in a conservative Baptist church and all. So you might have thought this would be a oneshot. Actually, it is six chapters long. I will try to post one chapter every day or two. You won't want to miss all the trouble Nuka and Rob are about to get into!**

**Please comment and tell me what you think! Anyone can comment whether they have an account or not. :) Also I'd be honored if you sub & fav! I will reply to all reviews.**


	2. Nuka Sweet Talks a Sexy Female

**Thanks for all the hits, favs, subs, and comments! You all are amazing and writing wouldn't be worth it without you. I hope you're all having a great day. If you're not, I hope this makes you feel a little better.**

_**Mimoo01: You're my first reviewer :D Thanks for all you're comments and calling my story 'badass' I feel so honored ^^. Nuka sure will never change mentally, but just imagine how boring the world would be without people like him? :0 Maybe if North Korea takes over the world. Thanks for the review & the fav!**_

_**Kovu002: I'm so glad you like this! Right about Kovu, I hate to think of him as annoying, but from Nuka's perspective how else can you put it? Your friend lived in a trailer park? That's awesome. I've lived in a few trailer parks myself and I can tell you...they are a hell of a lot more interesting than the gated communities. Thanks for the review!**_

_**Reldor: As you can see, I took all of your suggestions. This story is better because of you. Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Kora22: Great to see another review from you! I love your avatar pic BTW ^^. Glad you thought it was so funny. Yeah, the kids shouldn't play in the hot weather. Stupid church club leaders :P**_

_**Vitani825: Great to see you back! *hug* Glad you're enjoying this. Thanks for reviewing.**_

_**Pigs Go Moo: What's up with the pen name? Lol. Glad you like it. I try to make my stories a little different, for better or worse lol. Thanks for reading.**_

_**The Devvil's Advocate: Yay! A big review! About the sequel, yeah, it was hard to think of one central conflict. The way I ended Brainwashed seemed like the perfect setup for a sequel, but it was harder than I thought it would be :/ maybe in the future. 107 degrees really sucks. We've had some of that in VA. As for Zira, she will be appearing in the last chapter. Sorry there won't be more of her, but there will be more sacrilegious stuff I think you'll like. Glad you like how I do anthros. I'm pretty picky about them too. I think 90% of anthro art is just awkward and makes your eyes hurt, but then there's just a little bit that's actually attractive, you know? But I know you like the movie Robin Hood and that's anthro (one of my favorite movies too) Thanks so much for the review.**_

_**Guest: Thanks :3 Nuka's gonna get it in this chapter all right, so keep reading! Thanks for the review!**_

_**Other Guest: I'm so glad you like it! At this point I don't know if or when there will be a sequel to Brainwashed, but I do want to do another big story soon. Thanks for reading!**_

**~((()-()))~**

**Chapter 2**

**Nuka Sweet Talks a Sexy Female**

Rob pulled his jeans down so that they were sagging halfway off his butt. "Howz this, Brotha?" he asked, trying to put swagger into his, still cracking voice.

"Like shit, bro!" replied Nuka, loud enough for everyone around to hear. Nuka pulled his jeans down the same way, so that his boxers were completely showing.

They walked around the high-end clothing store, oogling the larger-than-life posters of near naked model lionesses and other cats which were hanging all over the walls.

"Swagger sure has it's setbacks." said Nuka after browsing around for awhile. "I have to keep pulling my pants up or they'll fall right off."

"That's what these are for?" said Rob, pointing at a rack of studded belts as if it were the most obvious solution in the world."

"Bitch, I aint got no forty five bucks!"

Rob grabbed a belt and tossed it to Nuka. "Just hide in a rack and put that shit on...nobody'll notice."

"Whatever." Nuka stepped into a rack of tuxedos, accidentally knocking a few items onto the floor. A few minutes later he came out, the belt tight around his upper legs. "Awfully hard ta walk this way. Ya think?"

"Dude, you aint got no swagger." said Rob.

Nuka tripped a couple times before figuring out that small steps are essential if your pants are tied halfway down your butt.

"Nuka, be cool, there's a hot ass bitch comin."

"Yeah, yo hide behind the rack and just watch me work my magic on this one..._maybe even get a date_."

"Your first date?" taunted Rob.

"well...unless you count that time when..."

"No. That absolutely does _not _qualify as a date. Really, man, let _me _have her. _I _saw her first, ya know."

"Seriously, ya think I stole this sexy belt just ta hold my pants up?" asked Nuka.

"_I_ stole it for you, and _yes_ it was for your pants, because they were about to drop in front of everyone and I couldn't embarrass myself that way."

"Shut the fuck up, Rob. This belt is eye catching. She'll be drawn to look right where my junk is at, and she'll want some."

"That is until she finds out that your junk is no bigger than a..."

"Shut up. Here she comes! Get out of the way."

The high school aged lioness walked up to a clothing rack where there was a display of horizontally striped tee shirts. Although unintentional, they looked like plain black tee shirts with neon duct tape wrapped around them. The lioness took one with pink stripes and held it up to herself.

Nuka was standing at an adjacent rack of jeans, pretending to be interested in them while he watched the girl. She did not notice him. Nuka cringed at how hideous the shirt was she was looking at.

Nuka looked around, trying to find where Rob was hiding. He finally located him watching from behind a rack of brightly colored flip flops. Nuka threw his friend a questioning glance, hoping for some sign language advice on how to get a girl's attention.

Rob puckered his lips, trying to communicate a whistle. Of course Nuka could hardly tell what Rob was trying to impersonate. He finally decided it was kissing.

This was just a little bit forward, he thought. Especially since they were in a mall department store. Such action might very well be okay in a bar, but in this kind of atmosphere? Nuka tried to shove it off and convince himself that Rob knew what he was doing (a bad idea in itself). He took a step forward, deciding how to proceed. Did Rob want him to give her a little peck on the cheek, or grab her waist and give her a big, sloppy kiss on the lips? Nuka really wanted his friend to give him a demonstration on the dummy he was standing close to, but did not know how to communicate that through sign language halfway across a busy store.

Nuka took another step forward and glanced back at Rob who was still puckering his lips, now looking somewhat out of breath. Nuka was saved when Rob accidentally let out a whistle, drawing attention from several bystanders, but at least getting his message across.

There was the relief of not having to kiss this strange girl unannounced; then, there was another problem. Nuka remembered that he could not whistle; at least not...well. He decided he'd have to give it a shot anyway.

The lioness was _still_ at the shirt rack. Surprisingly, she had not yet noticed Nuka, despite all his motion filled drama; maybe she was just ignoring him.

Nuka puckered his lips and gave his best attempt at a whistle. Instead he ended up spitting on everything and making only a small sound. Nuka tried again, but this time he choked on his spit. He began coughing wildly.

The lioness turned around. "Are you okay?" she asked, sounding at least a little concerned.

'What to do? What to do?' thought Nuka desperately. He swallowed real hard and tried to suppress his coughing.

Although he wasn't for sure, his instinct told him that an outburst of coughing was not entirely attractive.

"Do you want some water?" she asked, taking a water bottle out of her purse."

"Oh, _she's_ making the first move now. This should be easy!" Nuka nodded and held his paw out. He unscrewed the cap and chugged all the water that remained.

"...You don't mind that I've already drank out of that...do you?"

Nuka looked back over at Rob who was simply nodding his head. Nuka had no idea what that meant. Without thinking he said, "Yes."

"...you mean you _do_ mind...I'm sorry."

Nuka held out his paw, "My name is Nuka Bruckner. Nice to meet you...you are?"

The lioness hesitated before shaking his paw lightly. "I'm um...Mary."

"Mother of God!" exclaimed Nuka without thinking.

The lioness burst out laughing, "You are funny!"

Nuka gave her a confused look, not even knowing of the irony in what he'd just said. He glanced back at Rob who was silently pretending to laugh, trying to communicate that _he_ should be laughing with her instead of just standing there with his mouth hanging open.

Nuka tried laughing, but it ended up sounding fake.

"So..." she asked, after an awkward pause, "what are you doing looking at girl jeans?"

Nuka looked back at the rack in front of him. Although he'd been pretending to look at them for several minutes, he had not actually _looked_ at them to see what they were.

"Oh...um...they're for...my mom...she...uh...sent me here to buy her some jeans."

"Your mom fits into jeans _that _skinny?_...and_ she trusts _you_ to buy them for her?"

"Uh...yeah..."

"Your mom must have a lot of faith in you." she said sarcastically. Then she added with a sweet smile, "So, do you like these shirts? I'm trying to decide which ones to get."

"Well..." said Nuka, "They're beautiful...just...amazing...u...u...u...I really like the duct tape..."

'Mary' giggled.

Nuka had no idea how to respond to a giggle. Nor could he even _hope_ to get that message across to Rob. 'I'll just have to rely on my pre existing experience...oh wait...I have none...I'll just have to make the rest up from scratch...'

"Ya like my belt?" he asked, trying to sound somewhat seductive as he pointed to the belt hanging a good six inches below his waist.

It was obviously out of place; a brand new, forty five dollar studded belt put on his ragged jeans (which were already old when he got them at the charity store three years ago).

"It's um...very nice..." she replied.

"This is getting awkward fast." thought Nuka. "She must be nervous talking to a guy like me...I'll try not to intimidate her...maybe if I say something flattering..."

"Those naked models on the wall...they're shit ugly compared to _you_."

Nuka smiled inside, 'She's mine now.' he thought, 'I am so getting laid tonight! I bet Rob's real jealous of me...guess I'm a better womanizer than he...' Nuka suddenly realized that 'Mary' was not exactly melting into his arms like he'd expected. Instead she was backing away nervously.

"Um...thanks..."

Rob could not hear exactly what was going on. He put his paw out and started tapping on it, trying to signal something.

Nuka racked his brain, what there was of it, trying to figure out what his friend was saying, '...giving a vaginal massage?...drawing?...writing?...texting?...PHONE NUMBER!'

"So...Mary [she must be impressed I remembered her name], could I have your phone number...?"

The lioness scribbled some numbers on a notepad and gave them to Nuka. His success at getting her number made him feel a rush of confidence, perhaps more than what was good for him. "Thanks, Sexy Bitch, I'll be hittin ya up later!"

Nuka went back to where Rob was hiding as he tucked the scrap of paper into the rubber band on his wrist. 'Mary' was _still_ not finished looking at the shirts.

"Dude, I got her digits!" said Nuka.

"Awesome, Bro!" said Rob, giving him a high five, "So what's the bitch's name?"

"Mary."

Just then they heard an older woman calling, "Alanine?"

'Mary' responded back, "I'm right here, Mom."

Rob gave Nuka a confused look, "I thought you said..."

"The bitch lied to me." said Nuka in shock, "I thought she liked me..."

"Maybe _Alanine_ is just her nickname." said Rob, trying to comfort his friend.

"Let's listen to them." said Nuka.

Nuka and Rob sneaked around behind a fitting room where they could hear the lioness conversing with her mother a few feet away.

"What are you looking at now, Alanine?"

"These shirts." she said with admiration, "Aren't they adorable?"

Nuka leaned over and whispered in Rob's ear, "They're ugly as shit. I wouldn't clean a toilet with those things!"

"They are!" replied Alanine's mom, excitedly. "They would be great to wear to your youth group!"

"I know!" Then she let out another ditzy giggle.

"So which colors do you want?"

"I don't know..." she laughed innocently, "...what do _you_ think?"

"I like the pink one...and the yellow one...you would look so cute in them!...of course _you _look cute no matter what you wear._"_ she smiled.

"...I think I'll get one of each color." said Alanine.

"Honey, they're thirty five dollars each, and we already got you three hoodies and five pairs of skinny jeans at Aeropostale...why don't you just pick out your favorite three?"

Alanine let out another ditzy laugh, "But Mom, you know how much I suck at making quick decisions." She tried to sound really innocent.

"Honey, I was only planning on spending five hundred dollars on clothes for you today...what would your father say about this?"

Alanine let out a groan, "Moooom...he doesn't care! Please! It's just seven freaking shirts! Oh my god, Mom, all my friends get to go shopping without budgets! Why do _we_ have to have a budget?"

"Alanie, I've told you this before, we're not well off like your friends are. Times have been harder lately and five hundred dollars a month has been all we can afford on clothes for you. With the economy the way it is, we all have to make sacrifices."

"Oh my god, Mom, sometimes I just_ hate _you. This is stupid, It's _not _fair! All my friends will think I'm poor!"

"...well..." said her mom, trying to re-think the situation "At least the shirts _are_ modest..." She sighed. "I suppose...just this one time I'll get them for you."

"Oh thank you, Mom. You're the best! Even though we're poor you still try."

"Well...I couldn't let my favorite daughter go around _hating_ me...not over a few dumb shirts..."

Alanine giggled.

"Maybe I _was_ being a bit stingy...fiver hundred dollars for clothing doesn't buy much, especially when we only get new clothes once a month these days."

"Mom, I'm hungry. Let's go get some frozen yogurt at the food court. It's really cheap today, only seven dollars for a medium."

"Really? That's a steal. Let's go!"

Rob and Nuka waited until they were gone before getting up.

"What a bitch." said Rob, "...I bet her ass is really firm..."

"She's mine!" said Nuka, "_I_ have her number and _I'm_ going to call her tonight...Don't worry, I can tell you all about her ass if you want me to, but you'd just die from jealousy."

"Is five hundred dollars a lot of money?" asked Rob, "I wouldn't know...I've never had any money."

Nuka shrugged. "It's more than my mom paid for her car...that's all I know...we had to push it home from the junk yard, then the neighbor came and covered it with duct tape and WD-40. Now it starts fine...on Tuesdays and Thursdays that is...and sometimes on Sunday."

Rob looked pitiful, "My mom's car only starts once a week." he said sadly.

"It's because you live in a fucking _mansion_." replied Nuka. "That's the only reason you couldn't afford a decent car."

"Nuka, I live in a camper parked next to a trailer with a shack built on the side...just because we painted it all red doesn't make it..."

"It's the biggest house in the whole fucking neighborhood! Everyone in Rouge River Trailer Park is jealous of your big red castle."

Rob thumped Nuka on the back, "Thanks buddy, you always think of something nice to say when I'm feeling down."

"No problem, Bro." replied Nuka, "...and your breath smells like shit, just sayin."

Nuka and Rob were interrupted by a mall cop on a scooter. "Excuse me, young lions," he said in a commanding voice.

"Huh?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you young lions to leave this commercial center."

"Duh...why...?"

"You've slipped beneath the dress code."

"What the fuck _is _the dress code?" asked Rob.

"Yeah," said Nuka, "We're American citizens. We have a right to be informed of the law!"

"Look, even if you _were_ dressed presentably, you would be dismissed simply for using profanity at a certified police." The cop proudly showed off his certification badge.

"That was _him_ who cussed you out." said Nuka, pointing at Rob, "May _I_ stay?"

"You are both violating the indecent exposure law, _which article 53 states it was your responsibility to know. _It clearly states that one does not wear his trousers halfway down the thigh in a public institution, unless otherwise marked. You two should feel ashamed of yourselves! I will escort you to the nearest exit. You two are banned from Priderock City Mall for twenty four hours. After that time period has gone by you may be re admitted if _ and only if_ you are in proper attire."

"Look, buddy," said Rob indifferently, "It's not our fault if we suffer from chronic badassery! Why don't you just grow a pair and learn to accept the fact that there are people in this world who don't give a flying fuck about..."

"Come with me." said the cop expressionlessly.

"Oh shit."

**~((()-()))~**

**Author's note: It's only chapter two and they've already been kicked out. It's not the first time they've been asked to leave a place and it _most certainly _will not be the last. Come back tomorrow to find out where they go next.**

**Please Review :)**

**On a side note: I am available to be a beta reader. If anyone is interested please PM me. I've never actually done it before, but I'd love to do it sometime (for free of course).**


	3. Nuka and Rob Visit a Religious Bookstore

**Author's note: Sorry for the late update. I was helping some friends move and haven't touched a computer since I updated yesterday...which for me is like...really something. Enjoy the chapter! Oh, and if you are obsessively religious or have sensitivity to anyone with a negative opinion on your religious views, this chapter may offend you. Just sayin. ;D**

_**Vitani825: lol, they are idiots. As for Kovu, he's probably off looking at books on art and architecture. You know him :) Thanks for the review!**_

_**Mimoo01: lmfao XD You do that. Nuka is such an idiot though. I don't think any woman would want to have his cubs :3 Maybe 'Mary' did give him the wrong number. You will soon find out. Thanks for the review :)**_

_**lew leon: Hey! Great to see a review form you again! I see what you're saying about Nuka. I used to think he was just an eyesore in the movie, but for some reason I've started to like him more. He deserves a little more development than he gets and a best friend to be weird with him. Thanks for the review :D**_

_**Kora22: "Chronic Badassery" actually I think I got the term from a article :P Leaving Kovu behind? You'll soon find out since this is only six chapters. Thanks for the review :3**_

_**Reldor: It's okay :D**_

_**xoscenechikox: Glad you're liking it XD lol Nuka is very awkward. At least he shows us we could be worse off :P Oh yeah, I love the relationship between Nuka, Vitani, and Kovu. It's cute. That's funny that guys actually hit on you that way. What did you do to them? Thanks for the review!**_

_**The Devil's Advocate: No problem ;P I've been distracted too lately. It's hot even in Michigan? :0 The weather this year sure is weird. Thanks for the compliments! That made my day. Yeah, some people just have a crazy twisted taste in art, but then again, that's kind of hypocritical to say, since most people would consider any anthro art to be twisted and crazy XD. As for the sacrilegious stuff, this chapter is dedicated to you! Thanks for reviewing! **_

**((()-()))**

**Chapter 3**

**Nuka and Rob visit a Religious Book Store**

"Soooo..." said Nuka, "We got kicked out of the mall...now what?"

"Well_ obviously _we go around to the other side and go back in. Oh my god Nuka, sometimes I worry about you."

"You don't think we'll get caught, do you?" asked Nuka.

"We'll just pull our pants up." said Rob. "They'll never recognize us."

Nuka and Rob walked all the way around the mall until they found an entrance to a store.

"This looks like a safe zone." declared Rob.

The two stepped in and began scanning around suspiciously.

They failed to notice a store clerk walk up to them. "A-hem."

Nuka and Rob spun around.

The college aged lioness smiled sweetly, "Welcome to Lifeway Spiritual Bookstore. Is there anything I can help you with today?"

Nuka and Rob looked at her awkwardly, trying to keep their eyes off her large boobs.

"Hello...?" she asked, annoyed.

Rob finally spoke up, "Um...do you guys sell condoms to minors...my friend here might be needing some for tonight."

Nuka turned to Rob, "It's okay, Man...I prefer to go unrestricted..."

"I'm sorry. We don't carry those...You boys are a little young to be thinking about...things like that. Don't you know it is a sin to fornicate or _think_ about fornicating before you're married. You need to keep your minds pure. You shouldn't even _look_ at a girl in an inappropriate way...especially at _your _age."

"What if he's gay?" taunted Rob.

The clerk's face turned very serious. "Then you should pray for him that his spirits can take away his perverted thoughts and replace them with thoughts of holy things."

"So...where's the porn section?" asked Nuka, in attempt to change the subject.

"We don't carry that. Pornography is a sin. It would be wrong of us to sell it and tempt young, impressionable minds in such a disgusting way."

"Then would you kindly refer us to a store which _does_ carry that?" asked Rob, faking politeness.

The clerk looked shocked, "No. I'm not going to help you break the holy law!"

"Are you a robot?" asked Rob, "You just don't seem...no offense...mortal..."

"Everyone is immortal." she said. "We all have a soul which will live forever. Only the body dies."

"Have you been...born again?" asked Nuka.

"Yes." replied the lioness with a sincere smile. "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

"She's undead!" whispered Rob.

"Were your boobs that big before you were born again?" asked Nuka.

The lioness looked offended, "Excuse me?...Well, I was only ten years old when I was born again, so no...You boys should _not _be talking about my body! It's offensive._"_

"Then how did it change you?"

"Spiritually!" she said proudly. Then she added, "...you can be born again too!"

Rob's expression suddenly changed "Let's go." he said as he started walking away fast.

"Nice talking to you," said Nuka, "but I can't let my friend be alone...bye!"

"I'll be praying for you!" she called back.

Nuka caught up with Rob who looked scared. "What is it, Rob? Did she do something to you? Did she bring spirits to haunt your soul?"

Rob turned around, "Is she gone?..."

"Yeah..."

"Nuka, I just figured something out!"

"What?"

Rob leaned over and whispered into Nuka's ear, "The zombie apocalypse...it's happening!"

"Duh...what?"

"Don't you get it? All these religious fanatics! They get born again. They lose their previous identity. Then they try to convert everyone else! I'm telling you, they're zombies! The media's gotten it all wrong."

"She wasn't about to bite us."

"They don't bite you! They invite you to church! Once they get you into church they entice you into being drowned in the initiation pool and you become a zombie! Your old body gets stored in the back rooms behind the stage like what your brother saw. You get a new body and you go around trying to convert everyone else!"

"Okay, so they might do that. It's not like they're _hurting _anyone. They're just annoying undead people. At least some of their groups give out free food and shit to poor ass folks like us. I don't see why it matters."

"Zombieism; Spiritualism. What's the difference? I'm telling you, we have got to find out more about this!"

"But they might cast a spiritual spell on you..."

"Nuka, that's what the _books_ are for!"

"Rob, you can barely read."

"I can read _children's_ books!"

"Rob, that would be embarrassing. You complain about how much I embarrass you, when you can barely read beyond a first grade level."

"I found the cub section!"

"Rob...are you sure we should go there...what if my new girlfriend sees me?"

"Just because you have her number doesn't make her count as a girlfriend. Now shut the fuck up and help me find a good book on this spiritualism stuff!"

Rob felt a light tap on his butt. He spun around to see a little girl cub. She looked to be about six. She was wearing a dress and carrying a doll. "Excuse me, Sir. What does 'fuck' mean? I don't think I ever heard that word before."

"I don't know! What do you think I am, a dictionary? Ask your mommy."

"Stupid cub." scoffed Nuka.

"I think I can read this one." said Rob, pulling a brightly colored book off the children's shelf. There was a picture of the earth with planets and stars in the background. "It's called...The...story...of...um...C-R-E-A-T-I-O-N...whatever that spells."

"Find somewhere to sit down...There's a bench." Nuka went over to a tiny bench where there were three little cubs sitting, including the one Rob had just encountered. They were all sitting perfectly still and quiet with their paws folded in their laps.

"Alright Twinkies, scram!" said Nuka in a commanding tone. "This is _our_ bench now!"

The oldest boy spoke up in a frightened voice, "But...but Mommy said to stay right here until she finished shopping!"

"Bullshit! This isn't your bench no more. It's _ours_! If you don't scram, my buddy here will chop off your heads!"

The three cubs squealed and ran away crying.

"Kids these days...no respect for those older than them..." said Rob.

Nuka nodded in agreement.

Rob opened the book and began reading out loud. "In...the beg-in-n-in-g...there...was...nothing...no...earth...no...sky...no...sun-shine...no...rain...no...pee pull...there...was...only...the...great...spirit...Ass-eye-ron..."

"Gimme that thing, ya little kindergarten dropout!" said Nuka, "Let me read it." Nuka grabbed the book out of his friend's paws. "Assyron said, "Let there be light" and suddenly, there was light. And Assyron saw that the light he had made was good. And the first day was over. The next morning...Assyron said, "Let there be land and water." and land and water appeared...Assyron saw that the land and water he made was good. And the second day was over."

"Is this scientifically accurate?" asked Rob.

"It's either this or the big explosion." replied Nuka clapping the book closed. "Get me another one."

Just before Rob got up he heard a small voice, "That's them, Mommy!"

Nuka and Rob looked up and saw the three cubs returning with their mother, a very large lioness, possibly pregnant. She looked upset. She walked straight up to Nuka and Rob. "Stand up!" she barked.

Nuka and Rob immediately stood up. Her voice was the commanding type that no one could ever disobey. "What do you think you are doing by terrorizing _my_ children? They were in that bench first! I told them to sit there."

"We...uh..."

"Mommy..." said the youngest cub, tugging on his mother's skirt, "They said they would chop off our heads."

The woman glared at them, "You _what_?" Her voice was like dry ice.

Nuka and Rob shrugged.

"No, you think you're funny, you realize you threatened to _MURDER_ my children. Do you realize how serious that is? It's not a joke! You threatened to TAKE THEIR LIVES! Murder is a serious sin, and so is terrorizing little innocent children! ESPECIALLY _MY_ CHILDREN! They aren't allowed to talk about guns, swords, or killing, and you have no right to be planting those ideas into their young minds! If you were mine, I'd take you out to my van and spank you!"

"We're very sorry." said Nuka.

"Yeah." said Rob. "We're _very_ sorry."

"Apologize to them!" she barked.

Nuka and Rob squatted down to the cubs level. Two of them were hiding behind their mother's legs; one was crying.

"We're very sorry." said Nuka and Rob at the same time, hoping they sounded sincere enough for the mother to let them live.

The mother barked at her children, "Well, what do _you_ say?"

Like robots all three cubs said in unison, "Assyron forgives you and we do too."

The mother smiled proudly then turned back to Nuka and Rob, "Now get out! Didn't you see the sign that said this section was only for cubs twelve and under?"

Nuka and Rob got away as quick as possible.

As they were leaving they heard the girl ask, "Mommy, that reminds me of something I need to ask you..."

"What is it, Doll Baby?"

"What does 'fuck' mean...the creepy guy said it...I asked him what it meant and he didn't know. He said to ask you, so I am..."

**~((()-()))~**

**Author's note: Well there's my momma for ya XD I admit I was her little robot until I became a teenager. Logically Nuka and Rob would be brutally murdered in the next chapter by the crazy fat woman, but due to plot reasons, and the fact that Nuka is destined to die later in life, we'll just assume his spirits protected him. Hope you enjoyed that chapter.**

**Please Review!**


	4. Asscalators and Urine of the Angels

_**Vitani825: lol yeah XD I assume the homosexuality laws would be the same in this universe as they are in ours. However, most religions are strongly against it. I'm not a huge fan myself but I'm not going to go around being an asshole to everyone who thinks differently. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. As for Nuka, he sort of 'dies' when he goes to jail in Brainwashed. Thanks for the review :D**_

_**Kora22: I can see it now. The greedy ditz mom and the idiot dad...kind of like every TV show these days lol. Yeah, he was serious. Poor kid knows zilch about religion. Thanks for reviewing :P**_

_**mimoo01: lol I was kidding when I gave that 'offense warning'. Do you know what you'd do to survive the zombie apocalypse? Lol. I'm gonna snipe them from the rafters of an abandoned factory I know my way around XD. Thanks for reading!**_

_**Pigs Go Moo: lol yeah. Dumb people are so much more fun than smart people. We all know a few. Thanks for reading :)**_

_**xoscenechickox: lol that's a good idea XD Almost everyone I know is religious. I also live in a low-income area that is beside a prosperous area with the world's largest religious university. Because of that most people who refuse religion do it because they think it's only for rich douches...which isn't true, but it's totally understandable considering most of the university students are just that lol. Thanks for reading!**_

_**Crystal991: Great to see you again! *Hugs* glad you're liking this so well. Yeah, I really hate it when people feel the need to make everyone think exactly like them. I'm Protestant myself but I'm not gonna go around preaching to everyone if they've already decided what they're gonna believe. Thanks for the review!**_

_**Reldor: lol glad you like it. It's so classic it's almost not funny. As a kid I learned to never ask my mom the meanings of words. Just look it up in the freakin dictionary :P**_

_**Lew leon: Love you're avatar, Man! Yeah, I know the religious jokes weren't really 'offensive'. The 'warnings' at the beginning were more of a joke XD I'm Protestant myself, contrary to almost everything I write :/ I believe in the religious doctrine as being true, but I think the people who believe it can really be annoying, self-righteous douches sometimes, you know? That's funny that some dumbasses think seminary is comparable wizardry school. I've never been to college, but I hear it's mostly hard work; like high school but with less social and more academic. Thanks for the review!**_

**~((()-()))~**

**Chapter 4**

**Asscalators and urine of the angels**

Nuka and Rob wandered aimlessly out into the main part of the mall.

"Isn't this awesome?" asked Nuka. "...everywhere you look, naked female posters! By the way, is it obvious that I've got a massive hard on right now?"

Rob looked over. "People wouldn't be able to tell even if you were naked." he said.

"Maybe I should tuck it into my waistband..." said Nuka.

"Tuck _what_ into your waistband? The dick you wish you had?"

"Ya know...I've been thinking..." said Nuka,

"I kinda doubt _that_...but what's your thought?"

"Being born again." declared Nuka.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Ya think I would change for the better? You know, better mane, straight teeth, less-awkward muzzle … maybe more junk in the trunk?"

"Maybe...but you have to _die_ first, that's the problem."

"I would die if I knew I would come out better looking."

"Nuka, you're talking like a middle school bitch."

"Well I _am_ in middle school...until I can pass that stupid pre algebra. Fuck that shit."

"You'd have to be born again at least ten times to even hope to score any pussy...at least from a woman less than three hundred pounds."

"Hey look!" shouted Nuka, immediately forgetting the previous conversation.

"What?"

"Asscalators!"

"What the fuck is an asscalator?"

"You know, those moving stairs...for city folks who are too lazy to move their own asses."

"Oh so _that's_ why they're called _asscalators_."

Nuka and Rob stepped onto the escalator that was going up. "Oh my god this is so fun! I haven't been on one of these motherfuckers in years!"

Nuka and Rob reached the top and were about to go down the other one when Rob had another one of his great ideas. "Let's go down the up asscalator!" he said.

"You are the smartest dumbass ever!" replied Nuka, "Seriously, how do you think of things like this?"

"Actually, I just saw a cub doing it..."

Nuka was already on the escalator running down as fast as he could, but still only a couple steps down. Rob hopped on and managed to catch up so he was running beside him.

"Oh my god, you know we're gonna get crushed to shreds if we fail." said Nuka panting.

"This is so badass." said Rob, "Just look at all the old grannies down there giving us those disproving looks! Doesn't it just make you feel high? They must think we're gonna kill ourselves."

"Old people..." said Nuka, "Always underestimating us young folks. I mean, come on, most of them can't even use a fucking computer! All they care about is stupid politics and social issues and moral corruption and terrorism and things that really don't mean shit!"

"Nuka, _we_ can't even use a computer."

"Yes we can! Remember that alphabet game we played at the library?"

"Oh yeah...god that was embarrassing."

"Whop...excuse us," Nuka almost tripped over an old leopard who was riding up the escalator. "You're goin the wrong way!" he laughed jokingly.

"Old folks these days..." said Rob, shaking his head. "Too lazy to haul their own asses."

Nuka jumped off the bottom of the escalator. Rob tried to follow him, but ended up tripping and riding partway back up before he could regain his balance and try again.

"You ever imagine the future?" asked Nuka.

"Yeah." replied Rob. "I'll bet people will be so much lazier than we are today. Imagine the history books. They'll look at them and be shocked that people actually _walked_ around their own houses, since, you know, in the future the need for walking will be eliminated by moving sidewalks and hover chairs and shit like that. People will sit on their asses all day long, talking to computers. There will be no communication between people except over the internet. People will live longer and accomplish less."

"Oh..." said Nuka, "I was thinking more along the lines of global warming. You think it will ever get so hot that everyone has to go around naked just to keep cool?"

"Actually...Oh my god, you mean you have that fantasy too?"

"Um...yeah...all the time. So do you think it'll happen in our lifetime?"

"I sure hope so...do you imagine that we'll have to spend all our time at the pool because it will be too hot to stay out of the water for too long?"

"Yes! Also, since everyone will be naked in the future, do you think they'd segregate males and females?"

"Not in _my_ fantasy they won't! In my fantasy there are boobs everywhere, big boobs, because in the future everyone will take drugs to give them super sexual powers. And they'll be legal too...the way I see it, the government would have to sell mega sex enhancement drugs to offset the cost of building a big ass swimming pool in every fucking neighborhood."

"But what about poor guys like us? How will we get those drugs?"

"Well," said Rob, "_I_ don't need any drugs, since my balls are already bigger than watermelons, but I suppose I could help you steal some of the pills. If you took ten a day for a few decades, with luck, you might get yours up to bean size.

"Well, at the end of the day, _I_ have a girl to call and _you_ have nothing."

"How do you know?" asked Rob. "It's not the end of the day yet. You could still lose your chance with that bitch, just like I could still get one...I'm thirsty. I think I'll get a drink."

"Rob! We passed the water fountain in the religious book store. Can't you ever plan a-"

"I meant from the vending machine, shithead."

"But...you don't have any money. And if you're wondering they don't accept scraps of paper or fake money. Believe me, I've tried a million times."

Rob stepped up to the vending machine and proceeded to insert six washers, the exact size of quarters."

"Where the hell did you get those things?" demanded Nuka.

"They fell out of my mom's car when your brother made the license plate fall off. Duh!"

"So what drink are you getting...get Cherry Coke! I tasted that once."

"Nonsense. I'm getting Mello Yello."

"Why?"

"Heard it's good."

"But you just heard Cherry Coke is good from your _best friend_."

"All the more reason _not_ to get it."

"Fuck you. I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual." replied Rob coolly. The vending machine accepted his payment and dropped him an ice cold bottle of Mello Yello.

"That looks like pee." said Nuka.

"And Coke looks like diarrhea." replied Rob, proudly unscrewing the cap and taking a few gulps of the stuff.

"Is it good?"

"Dude this shit's AMAZING!"

"Really? What does it taste like?"

"Like the urine of the gods!"

"Holy shit! Give me some!"

"Fuck no. It's mine. _I_ bought it."

"You didn't buy it. You didn't even use real quarters! Hey, if it weren't for _my_ brother, those damn washers wouldn't have even fallen out of your car!"

"Well they did and that's just too bad for you. If you want one that bad, why don't you go back out to the parking lot and pull some shit off other people's cars and see what kind of shit falls out. Otherwise just shut up and follow me."

Nuka and Rob walked through the mall until they were stopped by a beautiful tireress. She appeared Asian. She was holding a tray full of bits of meat on toothpicks. "Try some!" she said with a sweet smile and oriental accent. "They good...finest wild dog meat in world...on sale at Chang's for only twelve dollars a pound.

"Why thank you." said Rob, grabbing a whole pawful of them.

"You sure that's all you want?" asked Nuka as he took all the rest, thanking the woman.

"I mean only one you greedy pig!"

"Racist." said Rob, "Damn this shit's good."

"You get back here!" shouted the tigress. Just then she spotted the mall cop. "Hey...police! Those two teenager just ran off with all my sample!"

Nuka and Rob heard the cop coming and rushed into the nearest department store, dropping some of their loot as they ran.

"Stop right there!" shouted the cop.

"Quick, into the elevator!" exclaimed Rob, still chewing a nice juicy piece of meat.

Luckily for them, the elevator opened just before they got there. Two elderly couples stepped out. One of the men even had a cane.

"Out of our way!" shouted Rob. "We're being pursued by the enemy!"

Both teenagers pushed their way into the small elevator, Nuka giving the old lion's ass a helpful shove as Rob threw his weight against the 'door close' button, as if pounding it with all his weight would actually make the doors close any faster.

Once in the elevator both boys heaved a sigh of relief. Rob continued to hold down the 'door close' button as they rose to the second floor.

"So how long do ya recon we'll have ta stay locked up in here?" asked Rob, mouth still full of meat.

"Aw, only till the cop forgets about us. I mean, what the fuck? We didn't even do anything that bad. She offered us free dinner and we took her up on it. She never _told _us we could only take one."

Rob nodded in agreement as he took another gulp of his Mello Yello to wash down what he was too lazy to chew.

Nuka and Rob stood in the elevator for half an hour, taking turns holding down the 'door close' button. Only when they decided they were running out of oxygen did they agree to risk everything and step out. Naturally, there was a line of about twenty people waiting to get in. Rob and Nuka casually stepped out and to the side. By then they had finished their 'dinner', so the floor of the elevator was littered with chewed up tooth picks, along with Rob's empty Mello Yello bottle.

Just when they thought they had gotten off free, they were grabbed from behind by a pair of cops.

"Hey, you've got the wrong guys!" exclaimed Rob.

"Neah, you two are most _certainly _the trouble makers." replied the cop cooly.

"Hey, these are the same two I banned from this place less than two hours ago!"

"The very same!" replied Nuka with a trollish grin. "Are we not in dress code?"

"It doesn't matter. I banned you for twenty four hours."

"Oh..." said Rob, pretending to be shocked, "We thought you said twenty four minutes."

"Yeah." added Nuka, "...that's exactly what we thought."

"Well," replied the cop sternly, "too bad that in the real world, one does not simply get by with the excuse, _It's the thought that counts_."

"Yeah," said the other cop, "It's not our problem if your heads are so full of turd you can't hear us when we give you clear instructions!"

Nuka looked up at the skylight. "Is that an airplane?" he asked.

Both cops looked up.

"Oh...never mind" he said, "...that's just the flying fuck I don't give."

The cops led Nuka and Rob out to the parking lot, explaining to them in no uncertain terms exactly what it meant to be 'banned' from the mall; their banning was also extended from twenty four hours to twenty four days. They were also told that all the staff in the mall would be all informed of their misdemeanors, and that if they were seen in the mall again, they would be promptly arrested. Their banning period would also be extended to twenty four years.

Nuka and Rob scanned the parking lot for their car.

"I see it." said Rob.

Suddenly the cops' radios went off, indicating an emergency somewhere else. "It's ten o' two. You young lions better be clear of this parking lot within five minutes if you know what's good for you."

"We have to go now!" said the other one, pulling his partner away.

Nuka and Rob pretended to be running toward their car, but as soon as the cops were out of sight they both slowed down to a lazy walk.

"I think they mean it this time." declared Rob.

"Yeah, I say we can go home now."

**~((()-()))~**

**Hope you enjoyed that :D Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!**


	5. Intellectual Conversation

_**Vitani825: Glad you like it. Thanks for reading :)**_

_**mimoo01: Yeah, I'd probably die too...with my luck :/ lol. Yeah, all my best friends are pretty low key and boring. I need to find someone like Rob to hang out with...of course that would be social suicide but YOLO. Thanks for the review!**_

_**Kora22: That's right XD Wait till you see how long it is before they realize it. Thanks for the review!**_

_**lew leon: hell yeah. They're just living out my fantasy of being an annoying douche who doesn't have to give a shit about anything; no responsibilities and a mother so stupid she can barely take care of herself. Sorry for the misspelling, but that is funny about the prostitutes. It was auto correct's fault I swear! :P I thought about doing the temperatures in Celsius, but most of my readers are in the U.S. But yeah, I agree that the Fahrenheit scale is really weird. Thanks for the review :D**_

_**Reldor: lol I think it's actually kind of disgusting; like Mountain Dew but worse. :S**_

_**Nerd Next Door: Great to see you again :D Thanks for the compliments and reviews!**_

_**Banana Beak: Glad you're enjoying this so much. Thanks XD**_

_**Crystal991: lol, I stole that one from a meme I saw :3 Thanks for reading!**_

__**((()-()))~**

**Chapter 5**

**Rob and Nuka engage in an intellectual conversation**

"What the fuck is this thing?" asked Rob, pulling a white envelope out of the wipers of his mom's car.

"Gimme that." said Nuka. He pulled out a piece of paper and began reading out loud. "This is an official ticket for parking in a labeled 'handicap only' space. By law, you must pay a fine of $350, due..."

"It's just a stupid advertizement." declared Rob.

"Yeah," replied Nuka, "whatever it is they're selling we don't want it."

Rob grabbed the paper back and stuck it in the windshield wiper of the car parked beside theirs.

"Let's get the fuck out of here!" said Nuka.

"I've got to put the license plate back on!" said Rob, "Your retarded baby brother made it fall off."

"Oh yeah...um...I don't see it..." said Nuka, glancing around the surrounding pavement.

Rob looked around. He bent down and looked under his car. "Shit!" he exclaimed, "Somebody must've taken it."

"Probably the same bastards that put that advertizement on your windshield." said Nuka.

"I'll be..." said Rob.

"Hey, look! It's that Red Corvette we saw on our way over here!" Nuka pointed across the aisle.

"It is!" exclaimed Rob. "Hey, I've got a great idea. We can just borrow their license plate."

"Your mom would be okay with that?" asked Nuka.

"She can't read." said Rob. "Went through all of high school at Rouge River not even knowing her alphabet...Teachers all let her slide by cuz they were too lazy to help her...So what does F-L-T-H-Y-R-C-H spell?"

"Filthy rich." replied Nuka.

"Great!" said Rob, "It's just what we need to give ourselves a bit more class."

"How are you gonna take it off?"

"Easy!" replied Rob. He pulled the screwdriver out of the ignition. "Always got tools with me."

Nuka and Rob walked over to the Corvette and started unscrewing the license plate.

"That's funny." said Nuka, "I always thought 'filthy' was spelled F-I-T-H-L-E-E. I'll have to remember the correct spelling is F-L-T-H-Y."

"Stop trying to be smart." said Rob, "And since when did you ever give a fuck about _correct_ spelling?...It's probably wrong anyway."

"Rob, it's a _license _plate...The people who make license plates are smart. Do you really think they'd misspell a word?"

"Yeah."

"Come on, Rob, if we can't trust government workers to do things right, then who _can_ we trust?"

"Nobody." replied Rob confidently.

"But then..."

"It's sad, but true." said Rob, pulling out the last screw. "My mom once said, "Everybody is stupid. Everybody in the whole world. Some people think they have everything under control, but in reality, nobody knows shit about anything. If anybody was truly all-knowing, then he would have figured out a way to stop all the problems in the world. There would be no war, no poverty, and all the annoying people in the world would be dead, or at concentration camps. But since problems still go un-solved, that is proof that everyone is completely and totally stupid beyond all comprehension."...I'm kinda proud of myself for remembering the whole quote...must've had a big impact on me..."

Nuka thought for a moment as they walked back to their car. "There's only one problem with that." said Nuka.

"No there's not. It's the truth about the universe." said Rob.

"You see, the woman who said that is currently passed out in front of a toilet because she had about fifty million too many beers. Are you sure you should be listening to advice from someone who can't even tell how much she can drink? I mean...you say she has the truth of the whole universe figured out, but she can't even climb out of of her own pile of vomit?"

"She's stupid." replied Rob, as if Nuka didn't already know. "Everyone is stupid...Some may be a bit stupider than others, but in the end, we are all stupid."

"But if she's stupid, then how can she claim to know anything about the world?"

"If your stupid, then how can you prove her wrong?"

"What if I'm _not _stupid?"

"You are...I should know."

"How can you know?"

"I can't..." Rob burst into a fit of laughter before he could go on, "But...but the giant snot that's been hanging on your face since you coughed it out while talking to that bitch, Alanine...that's a hint...I didn't tell you because..." he snorted a few times before continuing to speak, "...because it was too funny to watch the way people were looking at you!...And you had no clue..."

Nuka put a paw up to his face and felt a very large booger on his chin. He blushed under his fur as he wiped it on Rob's mane. Rob didn't notice because he was still laughing so hard. Despite his laughter, Rob still managed to get the license plate screwed onto the back of his mom's car. He stepped back to admire his work.

"Filthy Rich." Nuka read.

"Let's get out of here." said Rob, climbing into the driver's seat. He thrust his screwdriver onto the ignition, but it wouldn't go in. He tried jamming it in a few times, but it still didn't go in. "Fuck." he said, "Nuka, get me the brick. It's in the trunk."

"Why do you need a brick?"

"Just get it!"

After a few seconds Nuka returned with an old brick.

"Thanks." said Rob, grabbing it. "It's good to always be prepared." He started using the brick like a hammer to pound the screwdriver into the keyhole. He finally got it to go in, but not without breaking a few things inside. Rob then attempted to turn the screwdriver, but it didn't turn. Of course, Rob had a solution for that problem as well. He spit into the jumble of exposed parts on the steering column and waited a minute for it to run all over everything. Once that was accomplished, he took the screwdriver in both paws and turned it with all his might. There was a big bang, then the car started. Nuka and Rob could see smoke coming out the back, but that was nothing out of the ordinary.

Rob began driving out of the parking lot at about thirty five miles per hour, despite the heavy traffic. He simply wove around the other cars using whatever space was available, even going into the grass or onto the sidewalk a couple times.

As they were driving through town, a horrible realization hit Nuka. "We have to go back." he said.

"Go back? Why?"

"Kovu."

"Oh my god! We forgot about Kovu! Nuka, you are such a horrible brother!"

"I know!" said Nuka, "If we can't find him Mother will kill me!"

Rob swerved the car around and did a u-turn right in the middle of traffic. They were almost back to the mall when the car started conking out.

"We have to park." said Rob.

"No. We have to get back to the mall!" exclaimed Nuka. "Oh I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead!"

Flames started coming out of the hood and the car made a few more strange noises.

"Nuka, I really think we should stop. It's awfully hard to see with these flames...windshield wipers aint helping."

"Rob, you're such a pussy. It's just flames, Retard. They can't hurt you!" As he said that the rear view mirror fell off.

"Glue melted." declared Rob. Almost before he finished the hood slid off the front of the car. "...duct tape melted..." A huge ball of flames burst out of the car. "Alright. I'll stop!" exclaimed Rob. By now, even Nuka was okay with that.

Before Rob could even see where to park, he crashed into a light pole. Fortunately, they weren't going too fast. Rob and Nuka immediately got out.

"You think it's okay ta just leave it here...with the engine on fire and all?" asked Nuka.

"It's fine." said Rob. "Mom used to do it all the time...It'll burn out soon. Now come on. We have to get away before the cops get here!"

Rob and Nuka ran back into an ally and started the long walk back to the mall.

"Ya know." said Rob, "Despite all of Mom's protective measures, her car still takes a beating...That baby's been driven through a brick wall...off a cliff...into a lake...um...it's hit at least three electrical poles...oh, and back in 1989 it killed a road worker! Mom went to jail five years on that one."

"That's nothin." said Nuka. "My mom's run into pretty much everything on our road. That hole in the side of our trailer...she made that back in 1998. She also ran into three neighbors houses...She's been in about five head on collisions...oh, and one time she was so drunk, she went down our street and knocked over every single fucking mailbox! She's had twelve DUIs and she's lost her license twice...she's actually not had a license since 2001."

"Seriously?" replied Rob, "That's nothing. _My _mom _never_ got her driver's license. She took the test at least seven times and failed every single one. So she just gave up and decided she didn't need one...It's actually better not to have one because whenever she steals gas from a gas station and gets caught, the cops can't take her license because she doesn't have one...and they can't fine her because she has no money...they could throw her in jail, but they say the jails are already full with murderers and shit, so they'll just let it slide."

"It's kinda funny." said Nuka, "Because everyone in our whole fucking neighborhood should be in jail...but there's no jail big enough to hold everyone."

Rob laughed. "My dad's there...Rouge River County Jail." he said, "been there since the night he raped my mom back in 1993...I don't know why the fuck he'd want to rape her though...I mean she's so fat and ugly and shit." Rob shrugged it off.

"He must've been pretty ugly." said Nuka.

"Why?"

"To have had a son like you." Nuka burst out laughing at his own comment.

After about a twenty minute walk, Nuka and Rob reached the mall parking lot.

"I'll bet he's waiting for us right at our parking spot." said Nuka, trying to be optimistic.

"You think he expects you to come back for him?"

"Uhhh..."

"I'll bet he thinks you abandoned him. You're such a horrible brother."

"Hey! A few hours ago _you _told me I should be meaner to him. _You _said I was being too nice, so it's _your_ fault we got into this mess."

"_My _fault? If I remember correctly I only told you you should duct tape his mouth and lock him in a closet, and even that was a fucking joke! In _real _life I would _never_ abandon my baby brother in such a dark, scary place, and at _night_?"

"He knows I'll come back for him!" said Nuka, trying to re-assure himself. "He knows I know I'm fucked if anything happens to him...He knows I act like I hate him 99.99 percent of the time, but in important times, like when my life is at stake, I still love the little termite!"

"Hey, isn't this where we parked?" asked Rob, pointing to the empty space with the 'handicap only' sign.

"Of course not!" replied Nuka. "If it was, the little termite, Kovu would be standing in it, waiting for his favorite brother to return to him!"

"Yes, but that _is_ where we parked, and he is _not_ there."

"But..."

Just then a group of college aged lions came running up to them. "Um, excuse us," said the leader, "But have you seen my rear license plate?" he pointed at the Corvette where they had removed the back plate. "It said, "Filthy Rich, spelled F-L-T-H-Y-R-I-C-H" you little bastards seen it anywhere?"

"Sorry, man." said Nuka, "...the cops are gonna really be on yo tail if you don't find a way to cover your babe's ass, sexy as it may be...why don't you borrow one...maybe that one..." he pointed to a purple van, the license plate reading, "MOM OF 5"

Rob and Nuka both smirked.

The leader of the gang, however, was less than amused, "Hey, Twinkie, you think you're funny little bitch...You don't fuck with me!" He grabbed Nuka's shoulders and shoved him as hard as he could into the nearest cart corral. He did the same with Rob.

"Hey, Randell," shouted one, "let's cart the little bastards outta here!"

"Yeah!" shouted another one, "But let's pants them first!"

**~((()-()))~**

**Author's note: Well, tomorrow's update will be the last. It's also the funniest. You won't want to miss it I swear. Thanks so much for reading and please review :)**


	6. Hotline for Mental Illness

**Hello again. Hope you're all having a good day. Sorry for the late update. I had to work all afternoon and just got on now. Here is the final chapter. Enjoy :)**

**~((()-()))~**

_**Vitani825: Kind of ironic? The idiots always have the most pride and confidence. Thanks for reading :)**_

_**Reldor: would've been pretty funny XD**_

_**mimoo01: lol usually ends up happening to me. I would never want to get into the 'popular crowd' either. Anyone but them! At least he got her number :3 You think I'm funny :D I'm actually pretty boring in real life, but thanks for the compliments!**_

_**Lew leon: I don't know how people lived in the past without autocorrect. That's really sad about your mother :( At least your dad was always there for you. That's okay you don't like crude humor. I wouldn't use it too much either. That's so cool you saw a guy like Nuka in your town XD That's so funny he got arrested just for having a cigarette. Most places in the U.S. still allow smoking in public as long as it's outside. Thanks for the great review :)**_

_**Kora22: Hell yeah they're in trouble XD. Kovu's probably quite used to his brother being a big dumbass. I always thought it was weird that in Kovu turned out so smart and cool with such a pathetic big brother as an example. Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Nerd Next Door: Glad you're loving it! Thanks for reading :)**_

_**The Devil's Advocate: lol. Well, I always write out the whole story beforehand. Since I'm a really slow writer it takes weeks or months just to write a story, but once I'm done I publish one chapter a day. I'm so glad this story made you smile :) Thanks for the review! Sorry for not reviewing yours in awhile but I've barely been on the internet this week :3**_

_**DoubleBronyAllTehWay: So glad to see you again on this site! *hugs back* :)**_

_**Crystal991: lol that would be hilarious. You think Kovu would find them worth saving? XD Thanks for reading!**_

_**Mykklaw: Glad you think this is funny. Sorry about not posting the sequel to Brainwashed yet. The writing's been going kinda slow. Thanks for the review & the fav!**_

**~((()-()))~**

**Chapter 6**

**State Hotline for Mental Illness**

Five minutes later, Nuka and Rob found themselves at the bottom of a steep embankment. Nuka was under a smashed cart, his face full of tree bark. Somehow Rob was still in his cart, although his cart was just as totaled as Nuka's. Besides that, both were in their underwear, except for Rob who didn't wear underwear.

"Hey, Nuka?"

Of course it was difficult for Nuka to respond, his face being planted in the base of a tree and all. "Mmm?"

"Thank God! Oh...I was just makin sure you were alive...you are alive, aren't you?"

Nuka lifted his head out of the ground and groaned. "Just shut the fuck up and help me find my testicles...must've lost at least three of em."

Rob stumbled out of his cart. "Hey, I found one...oh, never mind it's just a speck of dust."

"Man, that was one hard push he gave us...never thought a shopping cart could cover that much terrain on just one shove, even at forty five degrees downhill."

"That _was_ one bumpy ride, huh?"

"_You_ got it pretty easy. I hit seventeen trees and got thrown out of my cart at the barbed wire fence only to have it land upside down on my head as my guts were being smeared over those jagged rocks."

"Man, that's nothing! I saw you completely _miss_ the brier patch _and_ the valley of broken beer bottles."

"I just hope they left our pants where we can find them."

"Aw, it's not that bad."

"Look, just because back around home there's nothing weird about running around naked, doesn't mean the folks around here think the same way...we'd probably get arrested. Remember what happened to our friend, Stan?"

"Oh yeah...stupid cops...those bastards have no sense of humor."

"And since when does walking down the street naked offend anyone? He was only trying to make a political statement, whatever the fuck that is..."

"Well at least they let us keep our shirts."

"Thanks, Rob, I feel so much better now." said Nuka sarcastically, "Now let's get out of this place."

After a strenuous climb up the embankment, the teenagers finally reached the top and came out in the Priderock City Mall parking lot at about the same spot where they'd been thrown down. Fortunately, the group of college kids was nowhere to be seen. But along those lines...neither were their pants.

Nuka and Rob scanned all around the parking lot until finally Rob spotted them, "Hey! There they are!" he shouted, pointing upward.

Nuka looked up. Sure enough, there were their pants tied to the top of a light pole, thirty five feet up, waving quietly in the breeze. "Have fun getting them." said Nuka.

"Me? What the fuck, all I'm wearing is a shirt! At least _you_ still have something over your ass. _You _get em!"

"For one thing, I'm scared of heights. Secondly, I could survive till we get home without them, You can't. Thirdly, you discovered them, so you should be the one to take them down."

"Well, it's _your_ fault we got pantsed in the first place. _You_ were the one who pissed those jerks off with your stupid comments!"

"Well it's _your _fault for suggesting we steal their license plate! If we hadn't taken it, they wouldn't have approached us!"

"Well it's _your_ fault for bringing stupid Kovu along who slammed the door and made my license plate fall off! If he hadn't wrecked it, I wouldn't have needed a new one!"

"Well it's your fault for asking me to go to the mall with you while I was babysitting!"

"Well it's your fault for agreeing to go!"

Nuka sighed. "Well...what do you propose we do?"

"...We could chop it down..." said Rob, looking at the light pole. "Do you know where we can find an axe?"

"Rob, you're an idiot. You don't just _chop down_ a light pole."

"Why not?"

"For a variety of reasons..." said Nuka, trying to sound smart, "but mainly because it wouldn't be worth the time...I guess that's the only _real_ reason."

"Nuka, this is serious. Those jeans cost me four dollars at the charity store! FOUR WHOLE DOLLARS! It took me months to find that many quarters littered on the road."

"Tell them you experienced issues with the product and want a replacement...usually works for me."

Rob shrugged. "Well, it's worth a try."

Nuka looked over at the mall. It was closing down. "I guess we can't go get Kovu now."

"Just because we lost our pants to a couple of jerks? Can they really turn us down for that?"

"Don't you remember anything? They kicked us out earlier today just for wearing them low!...Besides, if I remember correctly we're not technically _supposed _to be in there for a month._" _said Nuka, "...but hey, that doesn't mean anything now. Remember, the cops said we were banned for twenty four _days. _But right now it's night. They never told us we were also banned at night."

"I guess you're right. You're such a terrible brother though. Your mom is going to kill you. I'm so glad I'm not you right now. You are totally fucked, you know that, right?"

Nuka tail stomped Rob. "Look, buddy, here's the plan. We make up a story about how the termite got kidnapped. We tried to save him, but the guys took Kovu _and_ our pants."

"Cool story, Bro." replied Rob, "...except for that fact that it completely sucks!"

"Well kiss my ass. I'm sure _you_ could come up with a better one?"

"I sure could...So...we was chillin at the mall, when all of a sudden, a hoard of zombies comes running out of the religious book store and tries to attack Kovu. You and me, being the heroes, grab a nearby bench and throw it at them, killing all but one of them. That one grabs Kovu and starts to eat his brains. You and me, in desperate attempt to save him, risking our lives and our dignity, take off our pants and attempt to put them over the zombie's head. We are successful, but then the zombie rips them to shreds and gives us a thrashing so we can't do anything but watch it finish eating Kovu's brains out and then run away with his body."

"That sucks!" exclaimed Nuka. "And my mom doesn't believe in zombies."

"That's weird because my mom does and she's great friends with your mom...So your mom really doesn't believe in zombies?"

"Fuck no. Also, what if the termite is somehow still alive and somehow manages to find his way home?"

"We could kill him before your mom sees him?"

"We could..." said Nuka, scratching hid head, "But there's no guarantee that we'd see him before she does."

((()-()))

It was almost midnight. Zira was lounging on the couch watching Wheel Of Fortune. Vitani was standing beside the old TV holding the antennae so they could get some reception.

The trailer door opened and in came Nuka and Rob. Nuka still wearing nothing but his old shirt and boxers, Rob wearing nothing but his old shirt and a paper shopping bag as a skirt.

"Heeeey!" said Nuka, "Whadda ya know, the power came back on!"

Zira made absolutely no response, as if they weren't even there.

Vitani looked around and smirked. "This'll be interesting." she said, noticing their lack of pants.

"Mother," said Nuka, ignoring his sister's remark, "We have a major confession to make."

Zira only grunted at that. At least it was more than they sometimes got out of her on a hot summer night like this.

"We lost Kovu BUT...I can explain! You see, we went into town, the three of us. I was watching his back because I _love_ him and don't want _anything_ to happen to him. But then...oh, it all happened so fast...we got mugged by these three guys...they must've been body builders...oh my god they were huge...they grabbed Kovu and told us we had to give us all our money if we wanted him back. We fell down and cried for mercy, trying to explain that we had no money...the big lion looked at me with an evil grin...and said he wanted sex from us as a replacement..."

"He was gay..." added Rob. "...they all were."

"So they grabbed us and took off our pants, while one of them continued to hold Kovu and make him watch...then they fucked us in the asses, beating us the whole time...but I did it for Kovu. I could've walked away clean and let them keep him, but no, I put up with gay sex for him, I sacrificed everything to get him back. And then, when they were done and I asked to have my brother back, they said they would keep Kovu as their slave until we gave them a thousand dollars!"

"They didn't give us our pants back either..." added Rob, as if that wasn't obvious.

Just then Kovu walked out from his room.

Rob and Nuka jumped in astonishment.

"Where were you?" asked Kovu. "I waited by the car for almost an hour for you to show up. I finally just decided to walk home."

"You walked _all_ the way home...?"

"I still got here two hours before you did. I was just drawing a picture of a Gothic cathedral. I got the idea from a book on architecture I was looking at in the mall! It's got really cool gargoyles and vaulted ceilings! Do you want to see it?"

"You little termite!" shouted Nuka, "I told you to wait by the car! We spent an hour looking for you! We even got pantsed because of you!"

Rob spoke up, "Do you even know how embarrassing it is to walk through town past a group of hot bitches wearing a paper bag as a skirt?"

"No." replied Kovu.

"Well you better hope you never find out because I think my dignity is all but..."

"What dignity?" asked Kovu, not even kidding.

"Aw shut the fuck up." said Rob, "Why don't you just go plank in traffic instead of doing...whatever you were drawing."

"Yeah," added Nuka, "If it doesn't have boobs in it then why are you even drawing it?"

"Oh...there was a nude female statue in the front...but I'm telling you, the intricate designs in the stained glass windows are absolutely amazing! And the geometry is so perfect!"

"Why are we even talking to him?" asked Rob, "Come on, let's go to your room." Rob started down the narrow hallway.

Nuka soon followed to the end of the trailer where he shared a tiny bedroom with Kovu. Rob was already laying on Nuka's bed, drooling over the poster of the naked lioness on the ceiling. By now he had also helped himself to Nuka's other pair of shorts he'd found in the dirty laundry pile.

"Well..." said Nuka, "I think now is the time for me to call that hot chick, Alanine...what do you think, Rob?"

"...huh?"

"Stop rubbing your junk and answer me!" shouted Nuka. "Do girls like it when their boyfriends call after midnight?"

"...oh...yeah, they love it...everyone knows that, you dickhead."

Nuka pulled out the scrap of paper from where it was safely tucked under his wristband. "And also,"

"What now?" Rob was still drooling over the poster on the ceiling.

"So she told me her name is Mary...but I know her name is Alanine...what should I call her?"

"Idiot! She's a girl!...which means you don't call her by her first name! Call her Sexy, or Babe, or...better yet...be creative...Pumpkin Tits...Angel Turd...you think of something. You only call someone by their name if you're applying for a job or some shit like that."

"I am applying for a job." said Nuka, "...a blowjob."

Both he and Rob burst out laughing.

Nuka went and grabbed the house phone, which was hanging by a cord in the hallway. He brought the cord back to the bedroom and sat down on top of the dirty laundry pile to dial the number.

The phone rang a couple times. A grin spread across Nuka's face as he heard someone pick up.

Nuka spoke up immediately, "Helloo, Pumpkin Tits! What's cookin? I just called to check up on ya, you know...see how you're doin. So...I have a fourteen inch dick...do ya wanna see it sometime? Cuz I'd let you if you let me see your boobs..."

"Um...this is the state hotline for mental illness...Do we need to send someone over to your house?...Should I even be asking?"

Nuka's grin disappeared. "Well..." he said, "...I do have a brother who has this weird obsession with architecture. I'd love it if you could maybe pick him up..._I'm_ fine but...yeah come anyway and put the kid in a mental institute where he belongs...um...we live on eleven twenty nine...Trisha Circle...Rouge River County...um...Tree in the front yard is split from being driven into..."

The voice on the other end yawned and hung up the phone.

"That was an awful short phone call." declared Rob, "And why the fuck did you stop telling her about your dick just to talk about that stupid brother of yours...I mean...just because you made it about fourteen times bigger than reality doesn't mean..."

"Rob, she gave me the wrong number!"

"Oh."

"Yeah, it was one eight hundred six three six eight two five."

"Well..." said Rob, "Don't be so down about it! I'm sure it was only a mistake."

**~The Fucking End~**

*For those of you who didn't get it, the number was 1-800-MENTAL

**Author's note(s): Well, I hope you enjoyed that short story. It's what I needed to kind of jump start me back into the habit of writing. Right now I've got lots of ideas swimming around in my head, so hopefully they will appear on this site within the next few months. **

**Please subscribe :D If you loved this story you will love my other story _Brainwashed_ even more, so please check it out if you haven't already.**

**Wanna chat? Hit me up via PM. I love making friends over the internet. It can be about anything random for all I care. **

**I'm going into a completely new high school this year. It's a public school, and it's known for being one of the worst in the state of Virginia. I know a few people from my youth group, but always, going into a new school is nerve racking, especially as a junior where everyone already has established friend groups; social anxiety disorder doesn't really help either :/ **

**God bless you all, my friends ;) Hope to see you around on the site -Graywolf95**


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